November 29, 2005
It's nice to have somebody-don't ya think
Sorry I haven’t been as frequent with my posts lately. I have been so tired with this holiday season. Yet I will say that I was surprised to see an old friend this past Saturday (11/26/05). Remember, the post I wrote a couple of month’s ago about hearing from my ex, the apology he wrote me? Well I saw his god-brother at my 2nd job. We hadn’t seen each other in at least a year. He looked quite handsome I must say. I’ve known him since elementary school and we are still friends despite the fact that his god-brother, my ex have not spoken in almost 5 years. I told him that I didn’t have any animosity towards him and that if he needed something I would help him out.
I also was able to meet his fiancé for the first time. In the past he had referred to her as his girlfriend which was throughout the years. So it was a pleasure to finally have a face and name to the person. Also to my surprise he will also be a dad and he knows he’s having a son;) I am really happy for him and wish him the best.
After he left I began to think about everyone I know who is either married, in a relationship, dates a lot, has kids, or has a baby on the way. I came to the conclusion I was the only one who didn’t fit in any of those categories. I wonder sometimes is there something wrong with me or what is holding me back? Yet at other times I think, THANK GOD, I don’t have to put up or worry about anyone else and their bullshit.
I know that I am a lonely person; I’m so set in my ways of getting stuff done for myself and by myself. I’m not sure if I would be able to handle a relationship of any type. My tolerance for ignorant behavior is so low it’s not even funny. I’m to the point that if anyone says anything that I find offensive, I don’t have an issue just walking away from the conversation. LITERALLY. No “excuse me”, “sorry, have to go”, “could we talk about this later”. Nothing, I’ll just walk away.
I know I don’t need anyone to be happy. But I miss some of the simple things such as holding hands, cuddling, kissing, just as any other person. Yet for me I know I couldn’t just do that with any ol’ body. It would have to be with someone I cared about.
So I guess with my dilemma it could be summed up as this:
I want somebody, but not just anybody.
Someone who is affectionate, but not TOO smothering.
Someone who is witty, not a smartass.
Someone who is challenging, not a rug.
Someone who wants me, defects and all, not someone who want a “returns & exchange” policy even after the 30 days, 60 days, ….etc. You get the point.
I want someone to love me, is that so bad?