November 10, 2005

When priorities take a shift

When priorities take a shift.

As you well know from this saga called MY LIFE, that one of my best friends is Danielle. She has been going thru a rough patch lately because one of her close friends was shot on Sunday. He is currently in the ICU, and this past Tuesday his heart stopped, yet the dr. was able to restart it. The dr. also stated that any brain activity if any is minimal. So, there is the issue now of “pulling the plug”. The reason I bring up the issue with Danielle is that she is the godmother of his child. He has no other family except an aunt. His aunt told Danielle that in his will that she is to have full custody of his baby girl.

Danielle doesn’t have any kids of her own, she as a roommate and they split the bills for the house they live in 50/50. I know she wanted to have kids eventually but of course this caught her blindsided. She has been so nervous, because now she possibly knows that she not only has to deal with her own welfare but also for a 2yr. old child. She has had her god-baby these past 2 days just to get a feel for what she will be taking on a responsibility for. She told me that she thinks she will be okay but I still hear the weariness in her voice.

Danielle is a very strong person, she doesn’t like to appear weak in front of anyone. I admire her so much because she has to deal with alotta bullshit in her life, and when I think of some things and issues that she’s gone thru. It’s only made her stronger person where as with other people I doubt their sanity would stay intact. I know she will have the support of the god-baby’s aunt as well as her own family and friends. Yet I wonder has she taken on more than she can handle. I know she questions herself on this as well.

Danielle and I talked Monday, about if she would take full custody or share with the aunt.
In her mind right now, from what I could gather she is thinking full custody. Yet I told her that I think it would be better to do partial and share with the aunt even to the extent of letting the aunt keep her and she could still be in the child’s life. Help out financially when she can, take her out, and just let her know that she is going to be there for her. She feels strongly about the promise she made to her friend that should anything happen to him, she would take care of his little girl and loyalty is very important to her. She feels that she would be going back on her word if she was to do otherwise.

I guess another reason I’m writing this entry, is that my own god-daughter’s birthday, Aislyn, was yesterday. I know I’m not where I want to be in my life financially or mentally. Hell even if I was financially stable, I wonder would I be able to raise her accordingly to her parent’s wishes, if they left it in their will for me to raise Aislyn. I also wonder would my mental state be able to deal with such a huge responsibility.

I admire and worry about Danielle at the same time. Neither one of us are where we want to be. Especially financially, we both struggle. Look at me I’m working 2 jobs and wondering about the upcoming year, deciding what I’m gonna do about school. Don’t get me wrong, I’m able to save, but damn I know you’ve heard the saying, “my money’s spent before I’ve had time to cash the check”.

Sometimes when I think of Danielle, I think of her just walking and carrying a heavy burden on her back. It gets heavier every time I see her but she never stops to take a rest or just fall to her knees. I cry sometimes because I know how blessed I am. Danielle has had to damn near fight tooth and nail for everything she’s earned. I’ve learned so much through our friendship and I’m proud to call her my friend.
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