Valentine Gift's FAIL

As Valentine's Day approaches I can't help but wonder what gifts might be given. Most women I know enjoy roses, candy, or even a romantic night on the town. Yet there are others who will be unfortunate to receive a gift/surprise and wish to God that they had not. I was thinking of a few that I will list. Please feel free to add to the list.


For Women

1. A gym membership (unless a previous conversation has hinted AND has been accepted as an acceptable gift.

2. A gift certificate to a place you know she does not go. (example: Lowes, Sear Hardware Department, unless AGAIN previous conversation has been held.)

3. A teddy bear such as the above picture with a similar or same message.

4. Any brown liquor that can be bought behind a Schmucks, Diebergs, or Shop N Save counter and comes with 2 free shot glasses that have the name of the liquor company on them. (example: Crown Royal, unless she is an alcoholic.)

5. A STD (Short Tiny D*ck) (Oh and the OTHER STD, the kind of gift you wish you had not received in the first place.)


For Men

1. A tie

2. A tease (especially if they felt from a previous conversation that they were gonna get some.)

3. The above options given for women from 1 through 5. Except for the first part of number 5 unless you roll that way.

4.  Unwanted conversations about the "next step" in the relationship.  How about enjoying "this step" today and making sure there aren't any "missteps" for next 24 hours.



Oh well, I've put my two cents in...

Female vs Male Prayer

FEMALE PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, whos not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man, who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. Amen.

What this woman wants in a man

The opposite sex


What attracts you to the opposite sex? I know what I like.
On a mental level I love a guy that enjoys similar things to mine and he even might be able to teach me a thing or two about something else I have yet to try. I like a guy that is self-confident, yet not cocky. I like a guy that will call just see what's going on with my day. I enjoy being in the company of man who DOES NOT ask me, "yo what size are those" (do you really have guess what I'm talkin about here?), "how many kids do you have", "Can I be your friend" (when you know damn well you just wanna hit then quit it, uh-uh go somewhere else).