Even in the darkest of days, it cannot always be night

 

Photo credit: The Van Gogh Gallery

This weekend was tough. There isn't any way to sugar coat it. Saturday morning I said goodbye to a student. He passed away back on January 18th but his visitation and funeral were held on the 29th. Even though he was a high school student I was still use to seeing Christian every morning coming through my office because he was a VICC student which meant their buses arrived early enough that they had to be admitted through the middle school doors. You see the middle and high school buildings were all on the same campus.

From Both sides of the scale: Life

Life, is a gift that is amazing from beginning to end. How we come into this world is just as fascinating and no less as important as how we go out. I was debating on writing this blog post because I was worried about how some might "deal" with it. So I finally thought to hell with it. I'm just gonna put it out there so I won't have it stuck in my head anymore.

Last month a cousin of mine and his wife were in a severe car accident. Click here for article--> Right Here. They were on their way home from helping my cousin's sister with some moving boxes. They were hit by a young lady who was severely intoxicated and the end result was my cousin being severely injured to the point that we didn't think he would make it. Unfortunately his wife did not make it and was pronounced dead on the scene. These past weeks have been nothing but trying for my cousin's family with endless vigils at the hospital and prayers for a successful recovery.

They had to keep him in an induced coma because of the extensive internal damage that he suffered. Tubes were running out of everywhere from what I could gather. He had severe lung and intestine damage. By the time he was starting to show progress was a week later. The doctors had instructed my Aunt (his mom) to not inform him of his wife's demise. They feared the shock would be too much for his already traumatized mind and body. He was eventually told a few weeks later.

His wife's family was holding out on having her funeral until he was able to leave the hospital. When my mom told me this I was kinda like "what?" On one hand I can understand the logic because they want him to be able to say goodbye to her one more time, but on the other hand I was thinking it might not be a good idea. He might not want to have the last memory he has of her being in a casket. In the end I'm not sure if he went or not. All I can think of is my cousin having a strong will to live and wanting to fight to still be here.

Now this past week, my mom informed me of another family member this week who also had a brush with death. This family member unfortunately was so depressed and unhappy she felt the only way out was to commit suicide. She found some liquid drainer and apparently drank the majority of it if not all of it. She was sad because she had lost both her foster parents and some other close relatives to her within a year. She lost her house and she just couldn't cope. Thankfully she was not successful in killing herself but unfortunately she has become legally blind from the effects of the liquid drainer.

After I heard this latest story I went to my room and just thought of these two different scenarios (brushes with death), with almost similar endings but from two completely different beginnings. In the first story my cousin did not have any control in what happened to him or his wife. I put the blame fully on the individual that caused the accident. I don't have any sympathy at all for her and I hope they put her under the jail. She destroyed more than 2 lives that night.

On the second story, it's harder for me because in this story, my cousin did have control of what was happening and I feel that there is nothing too much that you shouldn't feel as though you can't talk to a friend or family member for help. Yet I was not in her shoes so I don't know what she was thinking or feeling. I can only speculate. Yet after hearing her story I can only remember when one of my first cousin's back in 1994 committed suicide and she was my age. I was angry because she was gone and felt that she should have been able to come to someone, ANYONE to talk about her problems. She felt the only place she could get an answer was at the end of her dad's pistol. I still think of her from time to time and when I go through old photo albums I always wonder about what she would have looked like at my age and what she would have done with her life.

Overall I love both of my cousins and I wish for them to recover both physically and mentally.

Whitney Houston - Another gone too soon. 1963-2012

Yesterday we lost another treasure in the music industry. As someone pointed out via twitter “@phontigallo Worst Black History Month EVER.” We lost Ms. Etta James in January, Don Cornelius earlier this month and now Whitney Houston. She had one of the most powerful voices I had ever heard. She is known for singing the Star Spangled Anthem at  Super Bowl XXV like no other. I remember her from the movie The Bodyguard and remember having that soundtrack on heavy rotation as well as the soundtrack from The Preacher's Wife. She was what I considered one of those artists who didn't need a backup dancers or special effects to keep her audience engaged. All she had to do was open her mouth and that VOICE would just put you in a trance and for the most part make you get goosebumps. I honestly would feel sorry for anyone who had to do a duet with Whitney (such as Mariah Carey) because Whitney's voice would just out shine the other people.

Since news of her death came out, more info is "somewhat" suggesting especially from different media outlets that drug use might have played a part in her death. When I look back on her life I can't help but think about how drug use has messed up her life and that voice. If you had heard her in the recent years, you could tell her voice had been ravaged from her poor health. In a way it reminds me of Michael Jackson. You had two phenomenally gifted people who unfortunately were brought down (not yet deemed official in Whitney's case) by drugs.

It's amazing me to see the people I grew up on leaving whether it be suddenly or through old age. I know heaven is straight kickin it now. When I get there I know the first thing I'm gonna do is buy a ticket so I can see all performances that I missed in life (Michael Jackson, Marvin Gaye, The Rat Pack, Luther Vandross, and so many others) with  Don Cornelius as the Master of Ceremony . All I can say and hope is that her soul is in a better place and you will be missed.

Don Cornelius - To Most the Soul Train Inovator, to me a relative I never knew

As a kid I remember watching Soul Train on TV, always fascinated by the dancing and performing acts. Always wondering who the heck was that pretty asian lady with the long hair and the sequin outfits? Thanks to Google I found out her name was Cheryl Song. Her picture is below:

But I digress. I heard this morning that unfortunately Don took his life this morning. I heard it through internet posts while my mom found out from a family member on the phone. My mom had told me a few years back that we were related (he was my third cousin). His father and my grandmother's father (my great-grandfather) had been brothers. But unfortunately his father had been killed before he was born. His mother unfortunately did not really have anything to do with his father's side of the family (from what I was told), yet my mom said that there were some who did keep in touch from time to time. As the years went by from what I can understand communication had ceased or was barely there. I know he has two sons, but beyond that I do not know if they have families of their own. I just want to say that we know you are out there and we are praying for you at this time.

Every year my dad's side of the family throw a Mardi Gras party in February and we always throw the Soul Train line in there near the end. I can't even remember how many times I've danced down a Soul Train line but I know I have him to thank for that;)

I remember always wishing I could have met him, way before I found out he was family. When I did find out he was a relative, I always wondered if I would ever see him at family reunions, which unfortunately never happened. Now that he is gone, all I can say is that I wish you LOVE, PEACE, & may your SOUL rest in peace.

R.I.P. Sr. Mary Denis Curran

About a week ago I read via a cousin's Facebook update that one of my High School Teachers had passed. Sr. Mary Denis, even though she was only 4 feet and MAYBE 10 or 11 inches had a stare that could see into your soul and have the hair standing up on the back of your neck. Oh and heaven forbid you didn't turn in an assignment on time, you might as well wait for the floor to open up at your feet and swallow you down. Back when I was attending Rosati Kain I can say there were times I would stare at the clock in her classroom and couldn't wait to get out. Yet through the years my love for reading I can honestly say took a boost because of her class. Because of her I could appreciate works from William Shakespeare to other authors that might not have been as well known.  A few months ago I was in my family storage unit and I counted the boxes of books I have in storage, there were 6 huge boxes. I laughed to myself and thought, this is Sr. Denis's fault. lol

I remember how we used to read stories and she would make us break them down and explain them in our own words and what lessons if any could be learned from them. This skill especially came in handy a month ago as I was helping my sister with a college english course and she needed help writing some journal stories in regards to 8 different stories she had to read. Overall I ended up doing 6 of them. My sister couldn't understand how I could have done these assignment within a few hours. Not to mention, she ended up getting an A on the assignments.

I told her that I love to read, probably more than what is considered normal. Even though now I have converted to an Android tablet with the Kindle App, my love of reading has not diminished, in fact it probably has gone through the roof to be able to have at my fingertips so many books.

I wish I could have gone to the funeral yesterday but was not able to. Yet through my online searches of her name I see that an online video cast was done of the funeral. I watched part of it today and from the many people there you can tell she touched many lives. So to Sr. Denis, I say thank you, you have definitely earned your wings and I know heaven probably has a classroom up their waiting for an excellent English Teacher. You have my vote.  R.I.P.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson

Today I must say has been a shock to my senses. I lost one of the biggest icons in my life. I've always been a big fan of Michael Jackson and always will be. I remember when I first heard about him being rushed to the hospital. I was at work at the time and thought, nawwww he will be okay. I was too worried about my Spanish test to think anything bad. So I get to my Spanish class and I'm studying in the hallway, and I'm talking about the incidient with a fellow classmate. She gets a text message on her phone and she informs me that he has died. I'm looking at her shaking my head, thinking nooo that's a mistake he should be okay, I just got a text messge from ENEWS stating that he was in a coma but not doing well. Then less than a minute I get a text confirming that he had died.

Strangly I was no longer worried about my spanish test, I felt a strange calm and went into the classroom to take my 10 minute oral exam with my professor. I broke the news to him (in spanish) and he just looked at me in shock. We talked quickly (in english) about Ed Machman (sorry on spelling), Farrah Fawcett, and now Michael Jackson. I always thought that famous celebs go in threes and unfortunately the biggest one in my life finally had his curtain call.

After my oral exam I took my remaining tests for the class and I went home. I was listening to the radio in my car and 95.5 fm was playing Michael Jackson music and I turned up the volume, rolled my windows, made the sign of the cross and yelled "I LOVE YOU MIKE" I headed home and parked my car in front of my house. One of his songs was still playing on the radio and I couldn't bear to turn it off. I had to wait until it was finished.

I go in my home and I go up the steps and my legs are heavy. My mom bolts upright from her bed and looks at me, and before she can speak I tell her I already know and found out before my test. Yet I told her that strangely it calmed me down from my nerves and I think I did pretty good. She was watching CNN and Larry King was on, talking with various celebs about Michael's death.

She and I talked about my love for Michael from learning his dance moves when I was a kid, to when I would LITERALLY freak out when a new world premiere video would come on. In fact I still have the original VHS of when BAD the video premiered more than 10 years ago. I learned technology because of him, I had to learn how to use the VCR to record by myself. lol

I had all his CD's before they were stolen from my car back in 2005. I really haven't bought CD's since then, but now I plan to buy them all over again. I went to my room to just deal with it. I hadn't cried yet until a few minutes ago. I remember as a kid seeing older kids with the famous red jackets and the white jeweled gloves. I shake my head because I feel that an era has passed. A legend has moved on and I know that regardless of his personal life and the drama from it, what he did as far as entertainment he will be known forever and I pray he is dancing it up with Fred Astare, James Brown, and Sammy Davis Jr. God bless you and I will miss you SOOO MUCH!!!!! (ok full tears are on, gotta post this)