June 12, 2006

When I learn a lesson......

Well the time is now 12:35am and I'm home again after another repeat of last night. I don't know what to say right now beyond the fact that I'm pissed the fuck off. Let me clear this up by saying that I'm NOT pissed because a person has responsibilites, that isn't even reason for this bitchfest I'm in. The reason is lack of RESPECT. First time it happens (which was yesterday),I figured something out of his control happened, such was the case we both got off late from our gigs and he was handling business and was tired.

Tonight he gives me a call and wonders if I'm doing anything. Wanting to make up for the no show episode yesterday, I tell him NO and lets me know that he'll keep me updated. We keep in contact via text message and the last message I get is at 11:20pm. Now mind you I understand he is still handling business and I though to make it more convienent I would drive out to his area and wait someplace until he was ready. I texted again TWICE, wanting to know the update. If he was still able to get out or would we have to just reschedule. I wouldn't have had a problem if something came up like last night. But what I don't find acceptable is leaving a person hanging. I don't do so I don't expect it to happen to me.

I never got a response back and by 12:20pm I was ready to call it quits. I turned my engine on and just warped home so fast that I could've given THE ENTERPRISE a run for their money. I texted him telling him that I was just going to go home. I was so pissed at the time that I deleted all the text messages and his number out my phone. I feel that I wasted my night and my time getting dressed and smelling like temptation in the flesh.

As I'm driving home, flashbacks of other incidents like this one run through my mind and I just have tears in my eyes. I shake my head and think these are the reasons why I don't go out or try to. If I need to be let down or dissapointed I can do that by my damn self. I don't need help.

But you know what the really weird thing is that happened? While driving home, Aretha Franklin song "Respect" came on the radio as I was making my way back to Highway 270. All I could do was nod my head to the words as I drove off. "R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me."
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