August 19, 2005

Life and Death...a Contemplation

Yesterday evening I went to the wake of one of my best friend's dad. I didn't really remember him since the last time i could remember him was at one of my friend's birthday parties back when we were little kids. He was a police officer out in Ballwin, MO. I remember when she told me this past Tuesday, the day he died. Thoughts started to run thru my mind. About people that I care about that have past on.

It makes me think and be grateful that I still have both my parents and all my siblings. I've lost family members throughout the years and almost lost a close friend of mine who is now forever physically impared because of a car accident 8 years ago. I wonder when it is my parents time to go, how will I be? My friend Amy was very strong at her dad's wake but I don't know how she took it when she first heard. She has her mom, and two siblings for support as well as a host of family and friends.

When I went to view the body i just stood there and looked at a picture of him that was on a desk off to the side of the casket. He was smiling from ear to ear wearing purple bunny ears. There were 2 fishing poles on each side of the casket. Yet to me what really stood out were his fellow officers. They stood guard at the head and foot of the casket. Rotating out periodically every 30 minutes. Not moving and not making a sound. It reminds me of funerals we see for diginitaries and past presidents, you know changing of the guards.

One of my other best friends also met me up there to pay her respects. We sat and talked for about 30 minutes before saying our good-byes. The rest of the day i thought about my parents. I've always revered them as being unstoppable and the strongest people in the world in my eyes. To me nothing could befall them. Yet this January I was horribly mistaken. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Luckly it was found early yet the news hit me like a ton of bricks. My world was rocked to the core. She strong person and fighter and just watching her handle this with all the treatments has made me even more proud of her. I was so scared when I found out and hell I'm still scared. The next phase is radiation and then they'll see how she is doing.

From time to time, I wonder how long will I live because not all of us are promised tomorrow. I know there is so much I still want to do. Yet I wonder will GOD allow me enough time? I know when it is my parent's time to go, they will have been remembered for being smart, unique, and caring people. All i could think about was when it's my time what will people say about me?
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