June 22, 2007

The Boiling Point

You ever get one of those days that something has been building up inside of you and just know that you will explode anytime soon? Well my day came today. A personal issue that had been bothering me for quite sometime had been really pissing me off lately for about a week now. Of course my mom would make it worse by bothering me about it everyday.

So finally this morning my mom asks me about it while I'm on my way to work and I respond to her question not too nicely. I'm at work sweating like a stuck pig because our Air Condition unit doesn't really work for shit. In a room where there should be at LEAST a 10,000 BTU kickin out, my damn window only has a 5,000 BTU, A HUGE HELL NO.

Well anyway work goes by and I get the crap my mom is requesting of me. I get home and I haven't been home an hour and she comes down the steps and asks me about it. I give her the stuff and she then asks her annoying ass question. Why do I have to keep asking you for this? She then goes, we can just go back to the previous arrangement regarding this issue. I just looked at her and exploded. We got into a screaming match and I just let loose almost everything I had say.

By the time we were done, she left the house and shortly so did I. I drove down Natural Bridge and happen to pass her up coming in the opposite direction. I took my phone out of my purse and turned it off along with the other 2 phones I have. I drove to White Castle ordered something to eat and parked and ate my food and read a book. Soon afterwards I started crying and all I could think about is how much I hate my life and I wish I wasn't here in any sense of the word, physcially, mentally, or emotional.

When I was yelling at my mom all I could think about is how much I wish I could just bang her fucking head into the wall, take my fingers and just press her eyes in or just point blank blow both of my parents away. When I get in that house, my room is my sanctionary. I even told my mom I couldn't stand being under the same roof as her and my dad. She screamed at me that she finally saw what kind of person I am and I yelled right back at her, "I had help". I sometimes wonder what would happen if my parents weren't here, and unfortunately I can't say I would be sad.
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