April 3, 2012

The Lord might work in mysterious ways but even those signals can come across being mixed.

Do you ever feel as though sometimes people are put in your path for a reason? Some might be put in your way as a test to discourage while others are placed there to encourage? Well last night after studying for a while, I decided to go to the Chick-fil-a resturant that was about 10 minutes away because I was craving a large Lemonade. Which I might add the only place that can even consider matching their lemonades are from Penn Station. While I was there just pecking away at my phone an older gentleman who is sitting right across from me, strikes up a conversation. We talk about how crazy the weather is, looking forward to the summertime, our occupations and personal interests. After a while he informs me of a website that I am surprised I have never heard about called Khan Academy. If you know what I'm talking about then you know how this website has really helped students with their homework in various subjects, if you haven't, Check it out!

Afterwards he asked me what I wanted to do, what were my interests. I told him about my passion for technology, socializing with others, especially with kids. There is something about interacting with kids and seeing their faces light up when they are speaking about a subject that is really cool to me. I love when my students come into the office at my job and they say good morning, ask me how I'm doing, and ask what is the latest video game I'm playing. He listens to me and he gives me some suggestions in regards to possible degrees I might look into because I told him even though I'm going for a communications degree, I'm not sure if it's really will fit with what I would like to do, of course problem is I still am not sure what exactly it is I want to do. I know what i have strong interests are but to implement them into something attainable. That is where the big question mark comes into play.

Sometimes, hell alot of times, I get discouraged because I look at myself and I still am wondering why is it taking so long to find myself. I always think I should have had myself together 10 years ago. Graduated middle school (check) graduated high school (check) graduate college (still getting to the mountain top). I try to take time out and fill out questionnaires, talk to school counselors, to friends, and family. Yet I still end up at the same place, back to the beginning with nothing have improved. I get so angry because even with me back in school, I still am confused that I don' t know where  I am going. Yet the thing that scares me the most is that sometimes I feel that I was never meant to go anywhere. It feels as though I am standing still and everything and everyone else has passed me by.

It's frustrating when people say, "you are intelligent and can do anything", I don't want to do just anything. I want to do something that I will enjoy, but if I can't even figure out what THAT is, then I'm right back to square one. Sometimes I wish God would give out GPS systems for those who do not have a clue where to go with their lives, because at this point I would need the one with an extra large color screen, car charger, lifetime download for maps, and lifetime warranty. Then when it says "Your destination is right in front of you" I can say, I finally have arrived.

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