When is it time to let go?

Good morning to all. If you live in the Saint Louis, MO area then no doubt you are probably recovering from Saturday's Hail Storm that brought about the biggest pieces of hail that I have EVER seen. Besides that the weekend was for the most part quiet.

Yet yesterday I went with my mother to visit a friend of her's who was ill and in the hospital. I had the pleasure of meeting this lady and her husband last year at their home I think in UCity.... When I first entered their home I was just taken back by all the beautiful pictures, artwork (paintings and sculptures), and furniture. If I thought the first floor was something else, I was really in for a treat when I went downstairs to checkout their basement. You would have sworn it was a mini black history museum with even more photos with famous political figures and well known artists, more artwork, and more furniture that would just knock you out of your socks!

My mother would tell me stories about Mrs. Erlieen and how she was one of the baddest dressers back in her day around and how she "inspired" my mom to step her game up whenever she would go out. lol When I met her last year I was amazed that this 92 year old woman remembered me as a little girl and I sat with her on her  couch and she would tell me stories about my mom and how they worked together at the old Southwest High School off of Kingshighway which is now known as the Central Visual and Performing Arts High School. I remember as a kid when I would go with my mom this beautiful mural that was painted in front which is now unfortunately gone. It was called Nouveau Rousseau named for after the French painter, Henry Rousseau. I was able to find some pictures of it though..

credit to: http://www.beltstl.com/2011/03/the-mural-on-southwest-high-school/

credit to: http://www.eco-absence.org/stl/swhs/

credit to: http://www.eco-absence.org/stl/swhs/

Her husband, Mr. Max, is also quite the character and is also in his nineties, I think 95. Yet he was walking around quite well and was full of hilarious stories. While Mrs. Erlieen unfortunately was having issues walking around and had to rely heavily on her walker. It was too funny when a friend of theirs came over and they told me beforehand they were going to try to play "matchmaker". I just laughed it off and when the visitor came over I looked at Mrs. Erlieen and asked her quietly in her ear, what she was thinking. The man had to be in AT LEAST in his fifties. lol We both had a good laughing spell after that.

When my mother and I were on our way out the door, her husband tried ONE more time to play matchmaker and at that point all I could do was laugh out loud and give him a hug. I told my mom we had to come back over and visit with them some more. Unfortunately we never made the time to do so until this weekend. My mom informed me that Mrs. Erlieen was in the hospital and I told her that I would like to see her. So yesterday afternoon, we made our way to St. Luke's Hospital out in Chesterfield. Her room was located in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) and we saw Mr. Max there along with a few other people, one of them my mother recognized. We couldn't see Mrs. Erlieen but we could hear her painful wailing behind the curtain to her room. Mr. Max informed us that she has internal bleeding and that the nurses were trying to alleviate her pain but the medicine they really wanted to give her they couldn't because of her heart condition. We had to put on special coverups with gloves before we could go into her room.

My mother and I had to wait around 15 min before we were allowed to see her and what greeted us made my heart break. The lady I met last year with her hair perfectly coiffed, nails done and gracious smile was no where in that room. What I saw was a woman who I barely recognized with tubes all around, in and out of consciousness, shivering, hair pulled back with a head band. I touched her on her shoulder and said her name a few times. She just shook her head from side to side. We spoke with her briefly for a few minutes and said my name to her and she repeated it a few times. My mom walked out before me. I tried to hold her hand but it was beneath so many covers. I rubbed her shoulder and then pulled the covers up around her neck. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and I told her I hope she feels better and leave the room.

The whole time we were in there. She was say various things over and over such as "Obama help me" , "Max, where are you Max" , "Lord help me". After I left the room the nurse informs us that we would need to move because they would be bringing in another patient that would be housed in the room right behind Mrs. Erlieen and they needed that space to bring in the patient. So as my mom and her friend were getting their things together I just stood across Mrs. Erlieen's room in the waiting area and my eyes start to tear up. When I saw her in that bed I thought about one of my grandmothers who was in the hospital back when she was sick before she passed. I thought to myself that will probably be one of the last times if not THE last time I see Mrs. Erlieen.

I wonder how much can she hang on in so much pain. She and Mr. Max have been married for over 60 years. That is a long time to be with someone. They never had kids and it wasn't that they didn't try, unfortunately it just was not meant to be for them. My mother's friend said that it seems that Mrs. Erlieen is in so much pain that maybe it's her time to go. Yet she is worried about Mr. Max because it doesn't seem that HE is ready to let her go. So I wonder to myself as we on one of the elevators to take us back to ground level, if I had a significant other and they were ill due to natural causes or some debilitating disease and they were in such pain, would I be able to let them go? Would it be selfish of me have try to keep them alive because I'm afraid to be without them?

Once I get back home I decide to take a drive out to Forest Park and just chillout at the Art Hill in front of the Art Museum. I take a book along and I read for a little while. Eventually I give up because a slight chill is starting to take away part of my focus, the scenery is so beautiful I'm trying to figure out how the hell am I actually reading a book, and folks are coming around and I enjoy "people watching". So after a while I make it back to my car and slowly drive out of Forest Park with some jazz music playing. I replay the day throughout my head and wonder to myself what this week will bring...


*UPDATE 5/1/12* My mom informed me once I got home today that Mrs. Erlieen passed away this morning. I had planned on seeing her yesterday after work but unfortunately was not able to. I hope she is resting with the angels and my prayers are with her husband.

What a nice weekend 4/22/2012

This Friday was super busy for me to the point I was not able to eat anything until after work. We threw a party for our students for them doing such a good job with MAP testing. I also had to crank out progress reports to be ready to go in the mail. I didn't leave work until 5:15pm to prep for our Annual Garage Sale that was happening Saturday. After all that fun I left work and had some self pampering done and eventually made my way where I fell into exhaustion and woke up around 10pm. My girl Bridgette was having a birthday gathering at the InSpot Lounge off of Delmar, but that started at 9pm. I got dressed and texted her and she stated that she along with some other friends were already on their way to the OZ club over in Illinois. So I put on a pair new shoes that I bought back in February and had to test them out to gauge my balance. So after walking in them a while I made my way on out to meet them.

BMS Garage Sale 2012

For those who enjoy combing through Garage Sales, please come on through today at Brentwood Middle School from 8am to 11am, 9127 White Ave, Brentwood, MO 63144. Someone else's stuff might become your treasure! Look forward to seeing ya!

Shameless Plug: The Computer Caretaker

This evening I'm bringing another shameless plug for one of my best friends. I've known him since we were in high school. At least 15 years. Trenton is nothing short of a miracle worker when it comes to computers. When other people have probably stated, get a new cpu or just wipe out the hard drive and start over. He actually puts up a fight and tries to save every piece of data that he can before doing anything else. Quite easily I can say he is probably the smartest man I know when it comes to computers and he taught himself the mechanics of computers, inside and out. When he talks about them in depth, I can say at times it kind of reminds me of my Spanish class, the blank look I normally have when something is being said and I don't have a clue what it means;) Yet I can be proud and say I don't have as many blank looks as I used to.

 If you have a cpu that is giving you trouble and you've tried your nearest national electronics retailer, given it to a friend to fix, or tried doing it yourself without the results you are looking for, give my boy a try. He normally works in the Saint Louis, MO area, but he does make house calls outside the area depending on the distance. He has a facebook fan page here and his website for the business is here. Trust me whenever my family has cpu problems of any kind, we immediately call him first. The man is a beast when it comes to a challenge and I have not seen one take him down yet.

From Both sides of the scale: Life

Life, is a gift that is amazing from beginning to end. How we come into this world is just as fascinating and no less as important as how we go out. I was debating on writing this blog post because I was worried about how some might "deal" with it. So I finally thought to hell with it. I'm just gonna put it out there so I won't have it stuck in my head anymore.

Last month a cousin of mine and his wife were in a severe car accident. Click here for article--> Right Here. They were on their way home from helping my cousin's sister with some moving boxes. They were hit by a young lady who was severely intoxicated and the end result was my cousin being severely injured to the point that we didn't think he would make it. Unfortunately his wife did not make it and was pronounced dead on the scene. These past weeks have been nothing but trying for my cousin's family with endless vigils at the hospital and prayers for a successful recovery.

They had to keep him in an induced coma because of the extensive internal damage that he suffered. Tubes were running out of everywhere from what I could gather. He had severe lung and intestine damage. By the time he was starting to show progress was a week later. The doctors had instructed my Aunt (his mom) to not inform him of his wife's demise. They feared the shock would be too much for his already traumatized mind and body. He was eventually told a few weeks later.

His wife's family was holding out on having her funeral until he was able to leave the hospital. When my mom told me this I was kinda like "what?" On one hand I can understand the logic because they want him to be able to say goodbye to her one more time, but on the other hand I was thinking it might not be a good idea. He might not want to have the last memory he has of her being in a casket. In the end I'm not sure if he went or not. All I can think of is my cousin having a strong will to live and wanting to fight to still be here.

Now this past week, my mom informed me of another family member this week who also had a brush with death. This family member unfortunately was so depressed and unhappy she felt the only way out was to commit suicide. She found some liquid drainer and apparently drank the majority of it if not all of it. She was sad because she had lost both her foster parents and some other close relatives to her within a year. She lost her house and she just couldn't cope. Thankfully she was not successful in killing herself but unfortunately she has become legally blind from the effects of the liquid drainer.

After I heard this latest story I went to my room and just thought of these two different scenarios (brushes with death), with almost similar endings but from two completely different beginnings. In the first story my cousin did not have any control in what happened to him or his wife. I put the blame fully on the individual that caused the accident. I don't have any sympathy at all for her and I hope they put her under the jail. She destroyed more than 2 lives that night.

On the second story, it's harder for me because in this story, my cousin did have control of what was happening and I feel that there is nothing too much that you shouldn't feel as though you can't talk to a friend or family member for help. Yet I was not in her shoes so I don't know what she was thinking or feeling. I can only speculate. Yet after hearing her story I can only remember when one of my first cousin's back in 1994 committed suicide and she was my age. I was angry because she was gone and felt that she should have been able to come to someone, ANYONE to talk about her problems. She felt the only place she could get an answer was at the end of her dad's pistol. I still think of her from time to time and when I go through old photo albums I always wonder about what she would have looked like at my age and what she would have done with her life.

Overall I love both of my cousins and I wish for them to recover both physically and mentally.