January 14, 2020

I may not be Barbara Walters, but this is 2020

It's the middle of January for the most part. I was originally going to write something on January 1st'll be honest my mind has been in the biggest fog in a way since November. 2019 was challenging overall but losing one of my best friends really took the wind out of may sails for the rest of the year. Not gonna lie, it has been debilitating to a certain extent.

My voice that I lost right before Kai's funeral now has vocal damage. It hasn't gotten right sense. I can tell there are some tears but I'm still loud. Last time I ruined my vocal chords was 2009 which forced me to quit working at Best Buy. My chords were actually bleeding and had developed nodules. That incident took out any upper octave singing that I could do. This recent incident destroyed some more. Hell me just talking I can tell my voice has changed. It doesn't seem balanced but it is what it is.

During Christmas time I'll be honest I wasn't in the Christmas spirit. Still in a funk I didn't do any shopping and even told people don't get me anything. I just wanted to be left alone in my thoughts and misery. Yet my family still did something for me. One of my best friends flew me out to Ohio to chillout with her and her roommate. I can't tell you having that time to reset myself for the new year helped.

I started checking in with my other best friends more often. We normally hit each up in the morning to say Hello/Good morning. We wish each other a great day and say we love each other. Losing one best friend really hits home that you don't want any of your other best friends to not know how much you care about them. 

With this new year I haven't made any resolutions. I'm just trying to get back to the person I was beginning of last year that was eating right, lost a lot of weight, and working out. I was in a better state of mind and that is what I'm fighting to get back to. Still battling with learning how to meditate and deal with my mind. Have a few books on my list that I want to read. Just restarted the book below.
Something that I did last November that I've been wanting to do for a while is apply to LaunchCode and CoderGirl. I had to take some tests and honestly it definitely challenged my math skills. I found out earlier this month that I was excepted into LaunchCode but was declined for CoderGirl. Yet yesterday an opening had become available in CoderGirl and they emailed me to see if I was interested in being in that class for SQL. I decided after doing some research to stay with my original LaunchCode track of Data Science. I know eventually I would also like to learn Front End Web Design especially for apps. That is something I've always been fascinated about. You know what else I like? VIDEO GAMES!!! I still love them..haven't played them as much and honestly that is what I wanted to do was create and develop video games..  Really tempted to sign up for a Super Smash Bros Ultimate Tournament happening at the Science Center this weekend.

Back in December after Christmas a few of the cousins met up at UP-DOWN STL - Arcade bar. When I tell you I wish I had thought of this business model. It was absolute heaven. 2 floors of nothing but old school video games that people my age would appreciate.

I still have my other two businesses and have been making changes to both. With my Butter by Jazz it has been more so a revamping of my brand. Yet I'm still dragging my feet with my product photography, which is ironic given that I am a photographer.... On my photography business I've really been taking somewhat a step back to really focus on what I want to photograph. Hopefully I will be able to figure it out more clearly this year.

I also did something different with my hair back in mid November...decided to do a Tapered Fro aka FroHawk. Been sitting on the idea for quite a while but thankfully my fearless sister said in these exact words..."IT'S JUST FUCKING HAIR, IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE SHIT JUST LET IT GROW BACK" so with those words firmly in the back of my head, I made an appointment with her beautician that flies in either once a month or ever other month from Texas. I was nervous but loved the end result. So my focus is to regrow the middle section back healthy and high and keep the sides short. I absolutely love it.

I have a lot on my mind for this year. Just need a positive change. More than I realize.

So I'll leave you on a merry thought. Since they couldn't get the real Barbara Walters to do the New Year's Countdown, they found a very close second. 'Saturday Night Live' alum Cheri Oteri is a freakin pro!!!

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