I'm your Conscience (Jamie Foxx's voice): Knock knock....
Heart: Who's there?
I'm your Conscience: It's your conscience, and we need to have a talk.
Heart: I'm busy right now
I'm your Conscience: You've been busy for the past 20 years..I've waited long enough.
Do you see that dialogue up there? That's been going on with me internally for a while this year. Now for a long time it was only the first 4 lines of convo that I would get going on in my head from time to time but this year my mind has definintely has been making some headway like an avalanche.
I remember as a kid when my mom had warned me to stay away from the stove when it was hot. She would warn me that it would burn me and I would look at it and think, "naw I'll be ok." Well sure enough I tested the theory and I burnt myself and my mom scolded me and said, "I warned you". Now take that and inject that into my personal life in regards to love. I've been getting burned throughout my life but the problem is I've been going right back up to the SAME old school coil stove and putting my hand back out there thinking maybe this time it will be different. Nope, nothing has changed and I'm realizing it's time to call the service center and upgrade to a new model that has the built in sensor with the glass tops.
Last night I had a long ass talk with one of my best friends and I told her what was going on with me. I will tell you this. If you ever want verification on a situation in regards to your life, make sure to have people around you that will give it to you STRAIGHT UP and will not have a problem giving it to you without any chasers. The kind that make you rip off the blinders and make you see everything in a panoramic view. I got that last night.
After I took her home, I drove home with the radio off and kept replaying stuff she had been saying, other things people had said to me in the past and when I got home I still couldn't go to sleep until midnight.
I woke up this morning and was surfing through facebook via my cellphone which is one of my morning rituals from time to time and this is one of the first things that greeted me in my newsfeed. Someone I'm following had posted this about HIS previous evening.
I was like damn. I wonder how many other women along with myself had read this and was like, "hmm". After reflecting over this for a few seconds I then scrolled down and saw THIS.
I clicked on it and started listening to the podcast. I slowly rolled up to a sitting position in my bed and I was just nodding my head thinking yep....Now this podcast is from a blogger who I have been following for quite some time. His take on relationships and everyday life in general is just so damn REAL, BLUNT and IN YOUR FACE. I highly recommend you add him on facebook, subscribe to his blog and his podcasts.
Blog: This is Your Conscience
So after digesting all of that this morning. I realized that I can't mistake what I WANT in my life with what I NEED in my life. I WANTED this person in my life because I cared about him and would do anything for him. Sad thing is I never got that feeling or actions reciprocated. What I NEED to do is start taking care of myself first (mentally, emotionally, and physically) and cut the bullshit out.
I wrote a poem about this back in June:
|From my poetry site http://sinsualpleasures.blogspot.com/|