May 24, 2007


Well yesterday I had work, no surprise there. I still had not heard from Jeff regarding why he hadn't called me back from last night. So after work I go to Best Buy to pick out my new digital camera, a Sony HSC-H9. I chill out with Danielle for a while so we go to lunch at Ponderosa and talk. We get back to the store and I leave about 10 minutes later to head on back home. By this time it's about 5pm-ish and I head home still not hearing a word from Jeff. I had called my phone a few times and they went to voicemail. So then I thought to myself, well maybe he has his phone turned back on. So I had to track down his number in one of my old bills and tried it out. It worked. So you can imagine why is it that his phone works, mine is turned off, and the present bill on mine was not paid yet?

So I called and left a message. Called a few times after that and received no response. I then leave my room for a few minutes and realize I have a missed call. It was from him. I call him back and asked what the deal was and he stated something had come up. He states he has my phone ready and the rest of the money due to my mom and for my cellphone. I said I would be on my way, and get there within 20 minutes, he asked for me to pick him up a box of Grape Swishers, so I obliged.

I get there and he gives me the phone and the money to cover both for my phone and the rest due to my mom. I sit down to check out the phone and the battery is almost dead, which would explain why it went to voicemail earlier today. He's sitting on the floor uploading some CD's to his XBOX. We make some small talk and then he goes to his room, I realize his daughter is in there. So he comes out after a few minutes and I ask to go see her and he thinks for a few seconds and says yes.

So I go in the room and I see her stretched out on her belly and I call her name. She gets up and smiles and comes toward me. I pick her up and she gives me a hug. Her hair is in braids with beads on them and she just looked beautiful. We talked for a few minutes and then I heard Jeff come to the door and I told her to be good and have a goodnight. I put her back on the bed and left the room and sat back on the couch looking at pics of him and daughter.

Jeff then came out after me and sat back on my floor and asked me what's up. I couldn't talk immediately and then I finally said that I knew we had talked about not talking for a while as well as other things. Yet I felt that it was best for us not to talk anymore permanently. He asked me why and I told him how I felt. I felt that he knew that I still liked him and he even admitted that he knew as much. Yet he immediately became defensive and stated that this was my issue and not his problem. I told him that he should have been honest about the situation regarding other issues, yet he still didn't understand where I was coming from. He said more aggravating statements and all I could do was just look at the back of his head and think he was a real piece of work.

I realized at that moment that no matter how much I might love him, I could never be around him again. He had become my Achilles heel. I could never call him my friend at the least and honestly believe it anymore. I know that I have issues and even in his arguments I agreed up to a point. Yet the only thing worse than a person who has issues and can see them within themselves is a person that has their own faults, has yet to see them and can't take criticism when they are faced with them.

I scanned his apartment one last time. Then I got up from his couch and left. As I was going down the steps he slammed the door to his apartment and I slammed the door to his main entrance way. I got in my car and just zoned out as I made my way home.

Once I got home I powered up my phone and deleted everything from it that I could find. I even found some online album and ereased that as well. I turned the phone off and left it on the charger. I then played around with my new digital camera and then went to sleep.

I woke up around 3:45am and just chilled out in my room and I watched "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" A classic cartoon movie. Went back to sleep and then woke up around 5:30am. Then on TV, some movie with Madea (Tyler Perry) was on. For some reason I remembered a play I saw last Feb called "Madea goes to Jail". In it she states

Some people come into your life for a lifetime and some come for a season. You have to know which is which. I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they go to the left. The wind blows from the other way, they go to the right. They are just unstable. You can't count on them for nothing. All they ever do is take from that tree.

What you need to understand about a leaf is that it has a season. It'll wither and die and blow away.There ain't no need to be praying over a leaf to be resurrected. When it's dead it's gone. Let it go! Some people are like that. All the leaf ever does is cool you off every now and then. If you're grown, you know what I'm talking about, because you can call them in the middle of the night and get cooled off. That's the leaf people. They come to take.

Then there are people like a branch. You got to be careful with branch people. They come in all different shapes and sizes. You never know how strong they will be in your life. So my advice is to tip out on it slowly. When you're going out on a limb, don't put too much weight on it at once, because it can fall and leave you high and dry. Sometimes, you have to wait for a branch to grow up before it can hold all of the things you want to share with it.

Finally, there are people who are like roots at the bottom of the tree. If you find yourself two or three people in your entire lifetime that are like the roots, then you are blessed. The roots don't care nothing about being seen. All they're there to do is hold that tree up, to make sure it stays in the air. It comes from the earth to give that tree everything it needs. That's what relationships should be about. That's what you need, people who want to be in your life for the right reasons.

If somebody wants to walk out of your life, you've got to LET THEM GO! When you learn to love yourself, you will end up giving standards to everyone around you. Again, I repeat with emphasis, if they don't meet those standards, you have to let them go, because they might be a leaf. And forgive them with all your might.

I know this time around there won't be a few months to a 5-year hiatus till the next time. I won't close my eyes and count the hours, days, months, and years. This time my eyes are wide open, I'm gonna raise my hands, smile and be free.
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