January 8, 2018

Woman in the Mirror

Well the first week of 2018 is officially on the books. Have I made resolutions for the new year? Nope. In the past I haven't had much success with them and decided I'm just not going to put pressure on myself like that. Yet I do plan on making changes to myself. I realize that there are things that I need to change. My health, finances, and professional goals are just a few. I'm trying to learn how to slow down and think things through. Last week I decided to really focus on self improvement and awareness.

I'm still reading a book from last year that I'm determined to finish up this month.

It's a pretty good read and there have been a few times I have had to put it down because it resonated so strongly with the issues and struggles that I've been going through. A few other books I have on my list that I want to read are:

You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

The whole collection of books by Tiffany The Budgetnista Aliche on financial responsibility.

I realized that my eating, spending, how I feel physically and emotions are all tied up and connected. It's time for me to unravel this big yarn ball and start to deal and tackle my issues head on. My way of dealing with stress has lead me to a stand still point in my life that I'm basically just not happy with and has led to more stress. 

My Photography business made an improvement last year but I know that I'm going to have to put in more effort this year with learning more about the software programs out there and stepping out of my little comfort zone and tackle more as far as pursuing more projects. I'm trying to figure out will I pick back up on my ShowYouSTL photography project and/or trying something else. I'm proud of myself for starting it and can definitely see an improvement in my shooting from when I started to now. I'm enrolled for another photography class at one of the community colleges which will start later on this month. I can't wait:)

I've been putting my shea butter business on the back burner ever since I got into my photography. Yet this past weekend I finally decided to revamp my info cards so they are more closely aligned with my business cards. It wasn't easy (for me) but I'm so proud of myself. Again I went out of my comfort zone and was able to remember my Graphic Design 1 skills and make something totally new from scratch without using a template. I wish I was a drawer but I do the best that I can with what I have. I even have a Wacom tablet that I have yet to put to use. Again something to push towards this year.

Grateful for taking that Graphic Design class last Spring.

In regards to my eating I've decided to curb a lot of my eating out excursions. I'm not getting rid of them all together but after reflecting on how much money I've wasted eating out I realized I need to reign it in. I also know I eat out a lot because it provides a temporary relief to me having to deal with other issues going on in my life. Keyword: Temporary   After I'm done eating those issues are right back in my face. 

I've also decided to try this program that will (hopefully) be offered again at my job called Naturally SlimIt is an online program which helps you change how you eat instead of what you eat. I realized I eat more than I should. Like I'm storing up for winter every meal. I have to change my thought process towards food. I can't let it control me. So since the beginning of this year I've become more mindful of reaching for smaller plates to help control my portion sizes. I'm learning how to pace myself as I eat.

Working out, I swear I hate to even think about it! Yet I remember when I was younger I was playing around 2 sports at a time. My body the way it currently is, is not what I want. Yet I hate going to a gym. I hate to go to that damn place and have to force myself to go through the doors. I'm going to have to find a place that I find interesting. I still miss my Kickboxing and Boxing that I used to do.  A friend of mine gave me a recommendation for a place close by that I might check out. I've also been interested in a gym called Iron Tribe. I might check them out as well. I know I can definitely get back into my walking, but not until it warms up. I don't like cold weather......ugh. I might try to figure out some exercises I can do around the house.

Another huge issue for me is being organized. I definitely went through a de-cluttering phase this holiday. Keeping organized is a major issue for me. Not only physically but especially mentally. I'm still a scatter brain when it comes to trying to make order out of chaos. I'm trying to force myself to work on a task and just stick to it until I've accomplished what I'm trying to do (such as revamping my info cards for my butter business). It's not easy but I am trying.

One of my self portraits from my last photography class. It represents me so well and the struggles I see within myself.

I also learned about myself that I have so much time to do other things when I get off of work but I'm so tired that all I want to do is just sleep the day away. I'm on social media so much which is part personal and the other business. Yet I feel that I've sunk so much time into social media that I will need to find a balance so I can bring forth more of my potential.

Last but not least, I want to become more transparent for this year. That is definitely not going to be easy. I need to own up to my highs and my lows. Which means make more time to write on my blog. When I first started this blog over 13 years ago I didn't think I would stick with it. I thought it would fade but I realized that is was my saving grace in a way. It has been my outlet when I have had issues organizing my thoughts to make sense. Sometimes I feel my fingers move faster than my mouth. Hard to believe I know. I'm gonna also try to get back into doing other things that used to relax me such as my poetry. I actually have a website for it (Lavender Libations) whenever I feel like creating something but it has been a while.

What can I say? I feel like I'm a Jack of so many trades but not a Master of any. There is so much I want to do but not knowing how to sort it out is like a fucked up maze for me. Yet this year I really want to try to unravel it all.

There is a guy by the name of  Gary Vaynerchuk that I have been listening to. He really makes you stop and think about yourself and pretty much makes you want to push out of your comfort zone and make you take control of your life.

It's time for me to take control.

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