Don't mistake Instant Gratification for Long term Happiness.....this saying popped in my head this morning. I'm not sure why today, but it did. One of my biggest challenges in my life is being happy with myself. I always find some type of fault and then harp on it. Yet what I've come to realize is that if I don't like something about myself, I have to be the one who has to change it. Unfortunately there isn't some easy DIY instructional manual that I can rely on to fix the issues that I have with myself.
One of my biggest issues that I have is that I look for instant gratification for long term happiness. I buy makeup hoping it will block out me seeing the weight gain that I clearly see in my face. I buy clothes hoping to forget the weight gain that is clearly taken up shop in my body. I buy jewelry to try to keep focus off of my face. I buy electronics to keep my mind occupied. I buy self-help books hoping to figure out a solution to myself and can't even make the time to sit down to peel back the main page. I buy something just to forget the misery that I'm going through. Yet that gratification might last a day....MIGHT.
I buy food to enjoy it and try to forget even for a hour if possible that I shouldn't be eating the food in the first place because it's not healthy. I see all of these various transitions that people have made with themselves. They all speak about hitting that wall when they realized that they needed to get themselves together. Mentally I have hit so many walls that I have lost count. Yet my mentality is the biggest wall that I have yet to conquer.
My mind is a demon. I lose track of things mentally so much that I feel that I only feel peace when I am sleeping. I'm trying to change around things in my life but I still feel that I'm dealing with a stampede of emotions and obstacles. Sometimes I like to be outside and enjoy the breeze looking at the sky. I need to learn mediation, because my mind just goes none stop thinking about various things.
I'm trying to learn that I can't buy happiness through items. I need to learn to face my demons and create my own happy place so I can have a life that I'm peaceful with.